I would always joke to people that if it came down between me and Dixie, there really wouldn't be a choice. Jason would choose her. I joked, only because it was all I knew to do at the time. Joking tends to lighten a serious time, and this was certainly serious. There was no way Jason was going to let someone, not even me, come between him and her. I knew I had no option but to learn to "accept" this dog into my life or else I would loose Jason for good. Seriously.
Dixie was Jason's family. She was his best friend. She was all that mattered to him in life. They had been to hell and back together. Many a nights, holidays included, where it was just him and her. They really were the only family each other had for soo long.
Jason first got Dixie when she was just a little puppy (a cute one too, might I add). He got her not as a pet, but as a comfort. He needed family more during that time of his life than he ever had. His mother had recently passed away. From Cancer of all things. He was like a lost puppy himself. He felt he had no where to go and no one by his side.
That all changed when he got Dixie. She renewed his love of life. She led him to his purpose. She stood by his side, no matter what. Never, not even once, turning her head the other way. She forgave him and understood him. He put all his mind, body, and soul into Dixie. She in return, gave him a reason. For that, I'll forever be grateful to Dixie.
Meeting Dixie for the first time was like meeting a well-mannered young lady. She obeyed Jason's every word, the first time he spoke. She stayed by his side every second, no matter where he went. She loved and respected him, and he did the same for her. It was obvious. These two had a bond like I'd never seen. And because of that, for the first time in a really long time, I actually found joy in a dog. I loved the way the two communicated with each other, even without having to say a word. I loved the bond they had. I loved the respect between them you could feel just being in their presence. How I judged this perfect being even before meeting her was shameful on my part. There was no way I'd ever try and stand in the way of their relationship. It was obvious how much they needed each other.
Needless to say, Dixie has since become my daughter too. The first year or so of our marriage she slept right between us in bed. Jason didn't want her to become depressed and feel replaced. He still took her everywhere and greeted her first at the door. I didn't care. It showed me just what a great man Jason truly is. He snuggled with her on the couch, while I lay alone on the other. He kissed her good bye and then told me good bye on the way out. I was more like the wicked step-mom, just without the wickedness. I was joining their family, Dixie wasn't joining ours. And for some reason, I was totally okay with it.
He never slacked in his affection and love for Dixie. Not even after having a son. Each and every day Phoenix and Dixie would be standing at the door, waiting for Dada to come home. It always amazed me how Dixie would know Jason was about to be home-even before you were able to see his truck. She had that instinct and it was amazing. Jason would greet them both, never favoring one over the other. He always made sure to include Dixie when he was playing with Phoenix. He didn't want her to feel replaced. His heart for this dog is soo big.
The day we found out Dixie had Cancer, my heart hurt. It hurt for my daughter. It hurt for my son. But it really hurt for my Jason. I know what he and Dixie have been through. I know they had great times and some really, really bad times as well. But their times were always together. I know he and Dixie celebrated many a holidays alone, just the two of them. I know that Dixie really did save Jason. God placed them together for a reason. A reason far bigger than man and pet. Thank you God.
I'll be honest. Jason is struggling. He is dealing with a lot. He is watching the one thing he has loved more than anything else since his mother's passing, die from the very same thing that took his mother from him. Of all things for Dixie to die from-Cancer. Why God?
In my heart, I truly feel like this would be a thousand times easier for him if Dixie was to die from anything else. Anything in this world. But for it to be from Cancer, thats what is destroying the man I love. His heart is hurting soo very badly right now. I wish I could take the pain away. I wish Dixie didn't have to go. I wish I could truly relate to what he is going through. As much as I love Dixie, I'll never fully understand. The two of them together is like nothing I've ever witnessed. The love, the respect, the bond. It truly is a beautiful thing.
Jason gave Dixie 10 wonderful years. She lived a very spoiled life. Dixie gave Jason soo much more. Jason knows that her time is up. He knows there is nothing he could have done differently, sooner, or better for her. He knows he loved her with all his heart and taught her how to love in the same way. He knows he raised a daughter that he was, and always will be, proud of. He gave his everything to Dixie and he knows this. But it still doesn't make it any easier.
The first words out of Jason's mouth on the morning of January 4, 2013, "I don't know how I'm going to go on without her." It may seem a bit dramatic, seeing he is referring to the death of a dog but its not. I can assure you this. He is loosing soo much more than a dog-he is loosing his best friend, his one partner that stood by his side no matter what, his hope and the saddest of all, he is loosing a BIG part of himself. Our new life is going to be a complete adjustment, especially for him. For as long as I can remember, Dixie was #1 in his life. She was and always will be. I know it is going to take some time, along with tons of tears. I am trying to prepare myself for this as best I can.
To see a person you love soo much hurting, breaking, and dying inside is not easy. Jason is breaking my heart. I am trying to focus on him, more than Dixie. I know Dixie is going to live with Jesus. I know Dixie lived an A-listers life. I know Dixie has served her purpose in this world. I know Dixie is better off in Heaven. Jason on the other hand, cannot seem to come to terms with it. He knows all that I know, but is really struggling to let go. I don't blame him, nor will I rush his grieving process.
Please continue to pray for our family. Especially Jason. He made the decision, today, on the morning of January 4, 2013 that this is the day for Dixie to go live with Jesus. I am soo proud of him for being soo selfless. For doing whats best for Dixie, although it is literally killing him inside. The trip to the vet today is not going to be easy. At 4 o'clock Dixie will be in a better place. Unfortunately, Jason will be in a worse one.
Please Pray Hard.
