Truth Be Told

Luna,

I have a few feelings I want to share with you.  For you mainly, but I guess for whoever else reads this blog too.  I've debated this post for a while now, but all signs from God keep pointing me to my computer.  Especially when I saw Dr. Przybysz this morning at the St. Elias 5K.  I know in the years to come, I'll be thankful I did this.  I want you to know just how special you are to us.

I know I more-times-than-not call you my little pain in the ass, but truth be told......you are our Blessing. Here's why:

Back in December of 2012, I had a feeling I was pregnant with you.  Not sure what it was, but something inside me told me so.  I waited to take a test.  Mainly because I was 100% done having babies.  I truly felt our family was complete.  Just me, Dada and Phoenix.  I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for what the results might have read.

We found out Dixie was sick the beginning of January 2013.  This led me to wait longer to test.  Dada decided on January 4, 2013 to put his #1 girl at the time to rest.  It was by far one of the hardest decisions of his life.  We had an appointment with the vet that afternoon.  Something all day was whispering to me to take a test.  So I finally caved.  I went to the store, bought a test and came home.  Upon discovering the results, I wrestled with how and when to tell Dada.  I told him later that evening after we buried Dixie in the backyard.

God was showing us He's taking care of us.  I truly felt it was his way of helping us, especially Dada, move on and see that such a beautiful life for us is existing.

I called and scheduled an appointment with my doctor.  According to calculations (mine and the ultra sound techs), you would've been roughly 8 weeks along.  Dada, Phoenix and I went to the the appointment filled with joy to see you for the very first time.

But the appointment quickly took a u turn.  As the ultra sound progressed, the worry in the tech's face did too.  My pregnancy test at the doctor was positive, she was seeing a sac, but that was all.  You were no where to be found.  Our hearts sank as the thought of you leaving us too soon started to become a reality.  I wasn't sure how I was going to handle another miscarriage.

We were totally silent as we went from the ultra sound room to the room to wait for my doctor.  Tears were shed.  Lots of tears.  I didn't understand God's timing anymore.  I didn't understand my bodies inability to care for you.  I didn't understand anything.  I was overcome with guilt.

Dr. Przybyst finally came in.  It seemed like hours.  She had a very unsettling look on her face.  She began talking.  I began crying even harder.  Trying to be as positive, supportive, comforting, and optimistic as possible she began to explain the situation.  An ectopic pregnancy.  Basically, my life was in danger.  Yours was too.  It was worse than we thought.  She told me how careful I HAD to be in the upcoming days.  Any uncomfortable feelings or signs of blood would land me in the hospital ASAP.  Never had I been so heartbroken and worried at the same time.  My actions could ultimately end both our lives.  WOW.

We left the appointment.  She wanted to see us again in a week.  The ride home was miserable.  Dada tried comforting me as best he could, but nothing was going to help this situation.  Nothing.

I can honestly say that I've never prayed soo hard and soo long in my life as I did during that week.  Nor has a week ever felt like an eternity, as did this one.  Tears were sporadically shed throughout the days and sleep was now just a memory.  I was afraid if I turned wrong while sleeping, our lives would end.  I was literally scared to death.  EVERY. SINGLE. MOVE. I. MADE.

Your father and I also discussed the situation.  We decided regardless of the outcome, we were both totally done.  Before you, your dad wasn't as convinced as I was that our family was complete.  However, with the situation being as dangerous as it was, he decided it wasn't worth risking my life again.  Whatever the outcome was-it was made for our family.  We'd figure out how to deal with it and continue loving life with Phoenix.

Finally, appointment time came.  I had mixed feelings on how things were going to turn out.  I still had that tiny ounce of hope everything would be okay.  That last weeks appointment was nothing more than the ultimate nightmare.  But reality was quickly taking over.  I was overcome with emotions.

Obviously, God had His hand covering us this entire journey because miraculously, everything looked great on the ultra sound.  You were the tiniest, cutest, little dot I'd ever seen in my entire life.  Calculations were reevaluated and you were right on schedule.  I could tell Dr. Przybysz was in just as much awe as we were.  She didn't have to say it.  Her face and tears read it.

We left the appointment and headed straight to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate.

So, my Sweet Luna.  Here's what I want you to know.  Yes, you cry.  A Lot.  Yes, you demand my attention.  All The Time.  Yes, you test my limits.  Constantly.  But its during those times that I find myself reflecting on our journey.  When I am the most frustrated with you-I am quickly led to the start of it all and a calming peace quickly comes over me.

Each night, while nursing you its just you and me in your room.  I'm rocking you and you are laying across me eating.  The days have been long and trying.  But at this exact moment each and every night, I'm reminding of our journey together.  Of how miraculously you entered into our family.  Of how different our lives would be without you.  Of your perfect little head.  Perfect body.  Perfect smile.  Of your perfect fit in our family.  But above all-Of God and His amazing hand in protecting the two of us.

Somehow, I think it bonds us.  The days in the beginning, I truly think you and I will ever be the only two who get exactly what could've been.

I will forever be indebted to God for taking such amazing care of us.  And while I'm sure I will continue to get frustrated with you, you truly are our miracle.  Our baby.  Our pain in the ass.  Our Sweet girl.  Our little Luna.

Forever and ever Amen.

Castle Fun

We made it out to "the castle," also known as Bass Pro Shop Tuesday night for pictures with the Easter Bunny.  We got there around 5:30, for a visit that started at 6:00.  Jason and Phoenix walked around for a bit while Sissy and I waited in line.  The line moved quickly.

This year, we had NO TEARS from either child!!!! I'd call that a total success!!!!

After the Bunny visit, Jason took Phoenix upstairs to shoot the deer while Sissy and I did a little Easter Bunny shopping for Dada.  We then all met back up and enjoyed some ice cream!

It was such a fun family evening.  

Nights like these are the ones I'll remember forever.  Even the camera lady referring to Phoenix as a she the ENTIRE evening.

7 Months of Life-1 Month of Sanity

Luna,

We are all soo in love with the "new" you.  You are truly an added bonus to our family and we are honored to have you.

It took 7 months, but you finally figured life out.  You now usually cry only when you are hungry or tired.  Other times you are actually happy!!!! Woo-hoo!!!  You also suck your tongue when tired.  Its soo cute to watch.

You love playing peek-a-boo.  You hold your BB over your face with both hands and pull it away when I say peek-a-boo.  We do this repeatedly!  Its adorable to see you playing!  You also love it when I cover my eyes with your feet and say peek-a-boo as well!

You are finally sitting up great.  This has allowed us to use the grocery cart as a seat, instead of your pumpkin seat.  Grocery shopping suddenly became a whole lot easier.  We've also switched you in the tub to your seat, which you love splashing around in.  I also leave the pumpkin seat in the car now whenever we go to music or story time for Phoenix.  Oh, the joys of sitting!!!!  You are still great in the stroller too!

You started out as a great eater, but lately have become quite picking.  Today, you actually spit your food out in disgust.  I guess Joe needs to step up his game!!!!  You have started eating puffs and definitely enjoy them!  I love watching you try and chew them up!!!!  You still have just your 2 bottom center teeth as well :)

You are still rolling everywhere, with no interest in crawling.  Every time I try to position you in crawl, you immediately start crying.  ReRe's says its because you're lazy!

You still love your Brother like no other.  You guys are such great buds and your connection is truly an amazing thing to witness.

Whenever you are done eating or finished doing what we are doing, you snarl your nose up and huff and puff.  It is by far the cutest thing you do!  It always makes me laugh and I always try more just to see you do it!!!!

You've also become quite the Mama's girl.  I cannot be in the same room with you or you'll scream until I hold you.  You also cry whenever I try to walk away, even if its just a few feet.  I love that you love and need me soo much right now but, you are totally driving me crazy with it!  If I'm in another room and you hear my voice, you look everywhere trying to find me.

You are talking a ton! You are babbling and even making the B sound a lot.  We can't wait to hear what your first word is going to be!!!

Thank goodness you have given up your 3:00 wake up time.  You are now sleeping closer to 5:30, eating then going back to bed.  Mama can definitely handle this schedule a lot better :)!!!!

You are still in in size 3 diapers.  Clothes range from size 9-18mths.  You still have the fattest feet so I have the hardest time fitting you in shoes.  But you hate wearing them anyways!

Although I often tell you you're a pain in my ass, know that I truly love you with all my heart.  Our world would be soo different without you in it.  You keep us on our toes.  You give us something to talk about.  You bring a whole new chapter to our life.  You add a new dimension.  And we love you more than we can express.

You are our luna, sweet girl!!!!

Just What the Doctor Said....

When we went for Luna's 6mth check up I spoke to the doctor about her crying.  Not sure if its because Phoenix never cried or what, but I swear-I feel like thats all this kid does....SERIOUSLY.

She said it could be a few things.  1. Her personality.  Definitely NOT what I wanted to hear.  2.  Just "babiness (not her exact terminology, but you get the picture)."  This she would grow out of normally around this age.

I also think part of it had to do with her teeth.  Ever since tooth #2 broke, she has been such a happy baby!!!!

Thank God it was the latter.  The past week or so, Luna has been like a new child.  She is getting on a semi-normal schedule (naps are still tough since our schedule isn't consistent) and her bedtime routine is looking much more promising.

Her days now go something like this.  Wake up around 6.  Play for an hour or so.  Nurse.  If home, take a good nap (usually 1-3 hours).  If not home, sleep in car (only in car).  Nurse again.  Play.  Eat lunch.  Nurse.  Nap (usually 1-3 hours, depending on if we are home-usually are since Phoenix is napping too).  Wake, play, nurse.  Eat dinner around 5:30.  Take bath. Nurse and in bed between 6:30-7:00.  She usually wakes around 3:00, eats and goes right back to bed.  She also tends to sneak in catnaps whenever we are in the car.

I'm loving this schedule.  Well, all except the 3:00 feeding.  I only go up there if she is screaming (in fear of her waking Brother up) and thankfully, some mornings she'll just "talk" for a bit and then go back to sleep on her own.  This is definitely more ideal.


I am finally starting to feel more confident about venturing further away from the house, as well as staying out for limited periods of time in fear of her screaming nonstop wherever we are.  I feel like we are finally getting our lives back.  I am finally starting to feel like I can take her places without having to fear her actions (or words!!!).

She did great at Thomas the Train.  I'll be completely honest-I was scared to death to take her with us.  I had nightmares of how horribly wrong that outing was going to be.  But to mine and Jason's surprise-she did fantastic.  She didn't cry once.  Not during the rain.  Not during the train ride, not while being put back into the stroller.  NOT ONCE!!!!!!

This whole change in our child has made for a much happier family.  I am now more at ease with life.  Jason can finally stand being in the same room with her without having to wear his commercial grade headphones.  And Phoenix is finally starting to get more of our attention again.  Its soo crazy how someone soo young can determine a whole family's attitude.  We are slowly becoming that happy, stress free, life-loving family we once were.  And we are all loving it.

CONSIDER THIS A WARNING-IF LUNA GOES BACK TO HER OLD WAYS AFTER THIS POST, I SWEAR I MIGHT NEVER EVER EVER DO ANOTHER BLOG POST AGAIN.  

My Child of Chaos

Luna,

Its hard to believe you are already 6 months old.  Then again, it feels more like 6 years most of the time.  You are always testing our limits, but right when we feel like breaking, YOU MIRACULOUSLY BECOME A NEW KID.

Seriously-you have days that are filled with nothing but crying-nothing but crying.  And right when your Dada and I are about to go insane, you become the perfect little child (laughing, playing, sleeping).

YOU ARE CRAZY, KID!!!!! CRAZY, I TELL YA!!!!

BUT WE LOVE YOU NONETHELESS!!!!

You have filled our home with complete and udder chaos.  For this, we are thankful.  You make us stronger, better, more patient parents.  You give us an extra reason to live for tomorrow (cause we are always praying tomorrow will be better).  You fill your brothers world with more love than we ever thought possible and you are continuously teaching him to be a more compassionate person.  He is learning leaps and bounds from you!

You are very lazy.  You do not like to sit, although you can do it (probably not as well as you should be able to at this point though).  You prefer to roll around all over the floor.  You are flipping back to front and front to back perfectly.

You MUST be entertained at ALL times.  Rather its having someone in your face or a toy in hand, you have to have something.  You don't like to be in your car seat anymore either.  Not unless you are sleeping or the car is moving, that is.  But when out and about, you want in on the action-ALWAYS.

You have started eating food.  You've had sweet potatoes, avocados, mashed potatoes, black eye peas, bananas, rice, cantaloupe, and even banana pudding (compliments of Dada).  Mashed potatoes are by far your favorite!  You have taken to the spoon very well, but prefer to hold it/feed yourself.  Dada and I are amazed because you take hold of the spoon and directly head for your mouth (of course EVERYTHING goes directly to your mouth these days though).

 

You are still in size 3 diapers, and clothing depends on the brand.  You mostly wear 9-12 months, but some bigger and a few smaller pieces as well.  You like having your teezo changed, holding your legs up to help but you HATE getting dressed.  I mean, hate it.

You enjoy watching t.v., and Finding Nemo is still one of your favorites.

You are good about grabbing toys, even using your feet to aide you.  You can hold with both hands, not favoring one over the other.

Your eyes are still a greyish/blueish color with small hints of brown.  I'm wondering if they're ever going to change.  I love them just the way they are!

You still LOVE bath time and play time in Brother's room.  You could lay on his floor watching him for hours, completely and totally content with life.  Its probably my most favorite time of the day.  You also love when Brother rescues you in the mornings.  As soon as he walks into your room, you light up, smiling from ear to ear, "jumping."  Its the cutest thing ever.  The bond you two already have completely melts my heart.

You get giddy whenever Dada walks into the room.  You get this huge smile, then hold your hands to your mouth and tuck your head towards your body (like you're being shy).  Its such a cute thing to witness.

Your six month appointment was on 3.19.14 with our new pediatrician.  You are growing at just the perfect rate.  You weigh in over 18 pounds (75%) and are 26" (50%).  She said you look amazing.  I did ask her about your fussiness (to put it lightly) and she truly thinks its just your personality.  GREAT.  Looks like you are paving a LOOOOONG road for your father and I.  

You do appear to have 2 teeth coming in so we are soaking up all the toothless smiles we can get right now.  Its such a beautiful sight.  One we wish we'd get to see more often.  Oh well.  Fussy personality or not-we love you soo very much.  You complete our family and add soo much to our home.  We are soo very proud of you, our Sweet Luna.  We love you to the Luna and back.  

Open Wide

Phoenix had his very first dental appointment on Wednesday, March 19, 2014.  We have been talking about this to him for months.  Trying to prepare him.  Trying to convince him there's nothing to be scared of.  Trying to inform him of what to expect.

He kept telling us he didn't want to go to the dentist.  Every time we'd ask him to open wide, he'd say no.  He wasn't having any of it!

On Tuesday, we ran to Smith's to buy a present for a birthday party he has on Sunday.  While there, I told him he could pick out anything he wanted and if he was good at the dentist the next day he could have it.  We searched the store high and low for a guitar.  Of all things.  Sadly, they didn't have one.  So instead he picked out a race car thing.  I had them wrap it.

Wednesday morning he kept saying, "We first go to Sissy's appointment.  Then to the dentist for me!"  He seemed excited.  Sissy had her 6mth appointment at 8:30 and Phoenix had his dentist appointment at 9:45.  What in the world was I thinking, right????

After Sissy's appointment, he appeared really excited.  He kept talking about the computers the dentist had.  We showed up and he went straight to the computer station.

When it was time, he went straight to the hygienist.  He held her hand, sat in her lap and carried on with her like they were best buds.  He did everything she asked, letting her check, brush and floss his teeth.  Never once cried, showed fear or objected to what she asked.  I was soo super proud of him.

He did great with the dentist as well.  They were definitely buds!

I guess I should also mention that his teeth look perfect.  No wormins for us!!!! After the appointment we went for lunch and he got to open his surprise!!!! He was one happy boy :)  

If you are looking for a pediatric dentist, I highly recommend Powell Pediatrics.  After several friends suggested him and several others on FB, I went with it.  Sooo very glad I did too.  From making the appointment to the whole office visit-everything went better than I ever imagined.  It truly was an experience I'll never forget.  

 

Update on Making the Switch

We had our first official doctors appointment on Wednesday with our new pediatrician.  I'll be totally honest-I had a minor major panic attack walking into the office that morning.  I didn't want the receptionist ladies to judge me.  I didn't want the nurses to think of me as a problem mother.  And I surely didn't want to run into our old pediatrician.  There were soo many different thoughts and feelings running through my body.

But by the time we left the office I no longer cared what anyone thought.  Let me be the problem mother, let me see our old doctor, whatever-it no longer mattered to me.  I left that office knowing I did right by my kids.

Here's why.

I compared how thorough this doctor examined Luna compared to how the old one did.  I also compared Phoenix's past visits as well.  This doctor checked my kid.  I mean really, really checked her. It was probably the most in depth visit we've ever had.  In almost 3 years.

But its even bigger than that.

She discovered an "issue" with Luna.  An issue she says is very common but since Luna's has been untreated for 6 months is a bit worse than most.  Without going in to too much detail, I'll just say this:  Had we not switched doctors and realized this, the issue could have caused Luna some serious issues (bladder wise).  It could've lead to serious internal problems and possibly surgery.  I mean, I was livid.  Had her previous doctor checked her like she should have, this problem wouldn't even be an issue today.

Well, if this is a common problem, why in the hell did our old doctor not check her for it????? I never even knew such a thing existed.  As many times as I've examined every inch of my child, I never noticed it.  Never would have either.  Isn't that what doctors are for???? My poor girl is dealing with soo much right now and my heart hurts for her.

Her fussiness may not be personality after all.  It may be discomfort from her issue.  Who knows???? But I'm glad to know about it and we are working very hard to fix it before it causes any more issues.  Between his issue and her shots, Luna has been a super trooper.  We are extremely proud of her.

I was soo torn in making the decision to switch, even though God was showing/telling me exactly what I needed to do.  I'm glad I saw the light before it was too late by putting my kids before my worried feelings about how the doctor was going to take it.  Thank you God for pointing me in the right direction and for showing me at that appointment that I did indeed do what I needed to for the sake of my kids.